Overcoming Communication Problems That Distort Our Image of Reality

6. Civic Knowledge and Skills

As we said in the section on Communication Failures, one of the most common conflict "overlay" factors are communication failures. Such failures are ubiquitous in conflict. They come from unintentional misunderstandings, intentional deception, different worldviews, different sources of information, lack of communication channels, and many other causes. The result of such communication failures is the straining and even complete rupture of relationships between people and groups, the breakdown of the ties that hold us together as a family, community, organization, or society. Communication failures almost always worsen conflict, and make them much more difficult to resolve.

In one of the early BI knowledge base essays, Norman Shultz wrote this about avoiding and overcoming communication problems. (We have updated Norman's text a little bit in the excerpt below.)

Communication —good and bad —is a key part of all disputes. It is therefore of utmost importance that parties in conflicts learn and exercise good communication skills. These skills can be broken down into five main areas of concern:

The Speaker/Writer: The one actually doing the communication (talking or writing) is responsible for making themselves clear, and avoiding hostile, misleading, or ambiguous content. Of course, this assumes the person actually wants to give their listeners access to the real message. Unfortunately, deception is sometimes chosen as a means to mislead and manipulate others, though that seldom is a constructive way to address a conflict.
The Receiver: A communicator's best efforts are foiled when those on the receiving end don't listen (or read) well. Poor listening may be caused by an overly competitive attitude, holding content-coloring prejudices, preconceptions, or biases, or simply giving in to the tendency to hear only what one wants to hear. In the current age of information overload, we all tend to "tune out" others from time to time. Therefore, in reality, nearly all of us can work on being better listeners, all the more so if we become involved in a conflict. (The skill called "active listening" or "reflective listening" is particularly useful in such cases.)
The Message: The content of the message can directly relate to how easily it is communicated and how accurately it might be received. Great care must be taken when the content is technically complex, when it is an idea that is being introduced for the first time, or when it has controversial, or emotionally-charged implications. Where language barriers exist, care must also be taken to make sure subtleties are captured to the greatest possible extent — a difficult challenge considering that sometimes things just don't translate well between languages.
The Means of Communication: The medium of communication is very important. For example, almost everyone uses e-mail, social media posts, or text messages to engage in or attempt to resolve conflicts. In these cases, nonverbal communication (body language, tone), emotions and subtleties often are absent. Alternatively, emotions can be amplified. There is a tendency to post comments on social media that one would never say to someone's face, because it seems anonymous or more removed from the receiver of the message. This greatly increases the possibility of misunderstanding and conflict escalation, rather than conflict reduction. Yet face-to-face communication isn't always practical, and sometimes it might not even be desirable--for instance, when a violent exchange threatens. Letters may seem a bit formal, but they also might take the "sting" out of an otherwise inflammatory communiqué. No matter the means used, the limitations must be taken into account.
The Communicating Environment: When people are engaged in a calm and rational exchange, one's environment seems to be taken for granted. Yet when the mood is heated, where hostilities and mistrust are apparent, these take their toll on communication. this is particularly true on social media. It is therefore quite important to change the way we communicate, or even what we communicate, depending on the environment in which the communication is presented. Sometimes it might be better to wait until the mood changes, especially when offering controversial or complex ideas.

Topics covered in more detail in this section include