How to Stop Fighting Step #2  Overcoming the Hurt: Replacing Humiliation with Respect

Option D. Forgive and Forget

The flip side of apology is forgiveness.

Apologies don't help to mend relationships if the recipient isn't willing to forgive.

Forgiving does not, however, mean forgetting. It means remembering, so that the past is not repeated. Yet one needs to accept the other's apology to be able to move on into the future in a more positive way.

When a problem is small and isolated, it may be fine to "forgive and forget."

But if the problem is big, or if the event is something that has occurred frequently, then forgetting is not a good idea, because it means that the past is likely to be repeated in the future.

One can still forgive the other, without forgetting.

You can forgive, and then work together to figure out new ways of relating so that the past harm is not repeated anymore in the future.

To learn more, read an article on Apology and Forgiveness for more information on these topics.

Photo Credit: Spiral stairs. By Petar Milošević (Own work). CC BY-SA 4.0, via Wikimedia Commons.