I am pleased to have found your newsletter and to be able to engage with people who, like yourselves, are obviously dedicated to creating growth-enhancing environments and dialogic processes where conflicts can be articulated and differences of opinion can be tolerated while working on the non-linear process of resolving conflict.

Why is Hamas's Promised Genocide Okay with So Many People?

There are many points made by other contributors about which I'd like to comment, but one perspective of yours echoed a sentiment of mine that I haven't heard expressed anywhere else:  "Hamas has made it exceedingly clear that their goal is to wipe out Israel and Jews entirely. Why is this promised genocide okay with so many? No other genocide is."

I'd like to explain a concept from psychologist, Heinz Kohut, that I find helpful in understanding human nature. If we think of human emotions as being experienced on continua, then at one end of the anger continuum is a feeling of mild irritation, and at the other extreme, is a feeling of annihilating fury. Most of us have experienced degrees of anger along this continuum even up to annihilating fury. These FEELINGS are normal under certain interpersonal circumstances, but it's the behaviors and actions of people who are gripped by a narcissistic, vengeful fit of rage that are scary enough to make any of us defer.

Most people are terrified of the annihilating rage of men in particular because men are usually strong enough to present a literal threat to life and limb when narcissistically injured and enraged. Narcissistic injuries are interpersonal insults that make us feel deeply ashamed and unable to retain a good feeling about ourselves. This emotional state is so unbearable that we respond with an annihilating fury as if to wipe out the source of what's making us feel powerless and impotent. Throughout this 10,000-year history of patriarchy, it was often the man who reacted this way, who was the most brutal when his pride was injured, who was deferred to, obeyed, even respected and idealized. It was too dangerous to oppose him, because it could cost you your life or your family's life. Plus, you got rewarded if you were deferential enough. It's a simple mob-boss mentality...do as I say or run the risk of torture or death.

Not all men become mob bosses, abusive husbands, or sadistic tyrants. Some leaders truly care about the people they are governing and some men never idealize tyrannical rulers. But enough do that certain men throughout this era, driven to amass power over others and having no conscience about who gets killed along the way, gained the upper hand and amassed armies of deferential followers to do their bidding. Most of us are scared of men like this because they are capable of doing things like what Hamas did a month ago.

So, it's possible that the undisguised, vicious goal of annihilating Israel and all Jews has just been too terrifying to contemplate; it's so existentially threatening that it's been psychologically inadmissible to consciousness. It's been denied, suppressed, and kept out of awareness in the minds of most world leaders. Most people are not total sociopaths. Most people cannot imagine carrying out the murder of even one person, much less the gleeful torture and murder of thousands. It is literally beyond the capacity of our brain to imagine that people exist who have NO FEELINGS for the suffering of others. Our minds just cannot go there...it's a traumatizing thought so we ignore it or deny it. So that's one, possible, explanation for why the blatantly criminal credo of Hamas has been overlooked and dismissed by so many people, even perhaps, most Israelis.

Another explanation may be that Jews have been scapegoated for so long, that it's easy to activate millions of people who are ready to scapegoat them yet again. If you're the big, tough guy who picks on Jews, you'll find yourself with tons of followers egging you on, seemingly loving you and in your corner. Through the ages, certain groups have picked on Jews because they were defenseless. But now that Israeli Jews are powerful militarily, the bully has a new identity as David against Goliath, and another veneer of virtue by which to attract a following and feel like a hero.

So aside from the Arab nations' legitimate anger at arrogant, European countries that carved up the Middle East after WWI, there may be far less conscious reasons for hating Israeli Jews. Their very presence, the thriving nature of the Western-style democracy they've built, even while under great duress, may cause narcissistic injury among some Arabs and Palestinians. Hating the Jews and fantasizing about wiping them out has perhaps empowered them, psychologically. They couldn't affect the big superpowers of the British Empire or America, but they could pick on and harass the vulnerable, long-suffering Jews, and scare them into leaving the neighborhood...or just murder them out of existence, as Hitler tried to do.

Why did the world ignore this threat of annihilation?  It's too horrifying to contemplate, or they don't want to oppose a group of fanatical, armed men for fear of arousing their narcissistic rage.

By the way, I'm not forgetting the ways that successive Israeli policies have added to Palestinian suffering and perhaps a powerless fury, making them susceptible to the promises that a group like Hamas has probably made to them. Many Israelis, themselves, have protested and voted against Israeli politicians who put discriminatory policies like this in place. There have been egregious issues regarding settlements, the destruction of olive trees, demolishing Palestinian homes, humiliating Palestinians at checkpoints, restricting water usage, and other policies that disregarded the needs of Palestinians and disregarded their suffering. You and your readers know far more about the details of this history than I do.

I am not saying that any of my guesses here are accurate. I know that individual Israelis and successive Israeli governments have done harmful things to cause real pain and hardship among indigenous Palestinians. I am, however, making a clear distinction between the suffering Palestinian people and the Iranian leaders who live in luxury and support terrorist groups like Hamas, Hezbollah, Islamic Jihad, etc. Those men are playing a game called, "Let's you and him fight." It seems to me as if they are hiring susceptible (and maybe contemptible) men to do the hideous work of carrying out a genocidal plan that has nothing to do with engaging Israelis in a genuine search for a peaceful solution to sharing the land. I don't know if there ever was a representative of the indigenous Palestinians who genuinely tried to work out a solution that both peoples could agree upon. It's also very likely that Israeli leaders like Netanyahu have cynically used groups like Hamas to increase Israeli fear and enmity, making a Palestinian state impossible.

What Other Country Could Live as Israel Has?

I just wanted to address your question of why the world has seemed indifferent to an open declaration of intended genocide by Hamas. And I'll add my own question, what other country could live surrounded by enemies committed to its destruction and not react the way Israel has? This intractable conflict is the whole world's problem and it's unfair to expect that Israel alone or Palestinians without sincere leadership, can alter this painful pattern. These are two, deeply traumatized peoples, wounded from decades of mutual mistrust and agonizing human grief and fear on both sides.

I'll make one more analogy. I'm a therapist working with couples. I have no idea when I begin, where our work is going to take them as individuals or as a couple. I don't assume that I'm going to "fix" their relationship...I don't have specific wishes or expectations of myself or of them. The only thing I know, the only thing my experience has taught me over 45 years, is that the most effective thing I can do is listen to each of them and sense where the pain is. I tune into the legitimacy of each person's feelings and needs, as seen from their own perspective; the same thing I imagine all peace-builders and good mediators do. I never ask them to care about the other, I provide the caring for each that the other CAN'T provide. If they could, they probably wouldn't be coming to therapy.

Gradually, if I'm sufficiently attuned, each of them begins to feel seen and heard and gradually, they may, or may not, become capable of hearing one another's pain and seeing one another as wounded individuals, rather than as mean and hateful enemies. Sometimes there are third parties trying to drive these two apart. That third person has a disrupting effect on the couple's relationship which we examine closely, not faulting anyone.The goal is more and more awareness of what is operating for each of them...what unmet needs, what conflicted feelings, what longings, what hidden hurt that they feel too vulnerable to reveal.

I don't think about structural "solutions" regarding my patients or Israel/Palestine. One state, two states, three states, etc. I don't think we can see solutions yet because there's too much violence and pain. I think more about the concept of harm-reduction or gradual de-escalation of violence. I wonder if there's some way that the general world can play the role of therapist, so to speak, learning about the feelings and needs of both sides and recognizing that Israeli citizens don't all agree with their government, and perhaps not all Palestinians agree with those who purport to represent them. I think it's vital that the destructive effect of Iran be further exposed. I think when anyone publicly speaks about the conflict, it would be helpful if they were able to acknowledge the suffering of both peoples, comment on the legitimate needs of both, and of the destructive effect of terrorist groups that perpetuate the misery and trauma for everyone.

That process has begun in the media that I watch, mostly publicly-funded outlets like FreeSpeech TV and the Pacifica radio network. MSNBC is doing a good job of this on many of its shows, in my opinion. I don't know where this will go, but I trust a process that centers on empathy with the people who are suffering and shining a light on those parties who are organized around perpetuating violence and even annihilation. As you folks mentioned awhile back, these groups and their puppet-masters must be exposed, de-ligitimized, and discredited in the court of public opinion.

In solidarity with all who are suffering,

Madeline Taylor, PhD