Escalation-Limiting Language: Additional Resources

These references supplement the Knowledge Base Essay, Escalation-Limiting Language.

Additional Explanations of the Underlying Concepts:

Online (Web) Sources

"I" Statements Not "You" Statements.
Available at: http://www.colorado.edu/conflict/peace/treatment/istate.htm  [Backup Link]
Simply changing the way in which complaints are phrased can limit escalation pressures. For example accusatory phrases, "you did this," are often more likely to contribute to escalation than less accusatory phrases such as "I am having trouble because of this."

Inflammatory Statements.
Available at: http://www.colorado.edu/conflict/peace/problem/inflame.htm  [Backup Link]
Sometimes communication can make matters worse rather than better. When communication is threatening, hostile, or inflammatory it can do more to escalate a conflict than it can to defuse it.

Suzette Haden Elgin's World Verbal Self-Defense League Home Page.
Available at: http://adrr.com/aa/  [Backup Link]
This site gives an overview of Elgin's "Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense," as well as excerpts from her books, FAQs, and a "Real World Linguistics Course."

Offline (Print) Sources

Borisoff, Deborah and David A. Victor. Conflict Management: A Communication Skills Approach. Allyn and Bacon, October 14, 1997.
Conflict Management presents a communication skills approach toward managing conflicts. It analyses the role communication plays in exacerbating conflicts, and offers communication strategies which promote productive conflict management. Primary Link

Ury, William L. Getting Past No: Negotiating With Difficult People. New York: Bantam Books, January 1, 1993.
This book provides step by step approaches to defusing confrontation and developing creative solutions toward resolving conflicts through negotiation. In particular, it focuses on developing communication skills that facilitate cooperation. Primary Link

Tannen, Deborah. That's Not What I Meant! How Conversational Style Makes or Breaks Relationships. New York: Ballantine, January 1, 1991.
This book focuses on conversational style as the most important means of steering an argument or discussion toward a constructive end.

Elgin, Suzette Haden. The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense at Work 2nd Edition. Prentice-Hall, January 1, 2000.
This book serves as a self-help guide to negotiation skills and is directed at a lay audience.

Horn, Sam. Tongue-Fu!. New York: St. Martin's, January 1, 1996.
This is a book of strategies for dealing constructively with verbal conflict. It is written as a "how-to" guide and so is easy to read and contains lots of examples.

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Examples Illustrating this Topic:

Online (Web) Sources

Glaser, Tanya. "Public Conversations Project -- Summary." University of Colorado: Conflict Research Consortium, 1900.
Available at: Link

This page is a summary of a selection, Public Conversations Project, from Moral Conflict by W. Barnett Pearce and Stephen W. Littlejohn. Pearce and Littlejohn discuss the Public Conversations Projects (PCP) which was founded by a group of family therapists who thought that family therapy methods might be useful in creating more productive moral discussions. The PCP approach seeks to avoid old, unproductive patterns of interaction. It facilitates dialogue rather than debate, by encouraging the sharing of personal experiences, listening to others, sincere curiosity, and admitting doubts.

Verbal Abuse.
Available at: http://www.verbalabuse.com/ [Backup Link]
A site dedicated to recognition and prevention of verbal abuse in all areas of life. The site has descriptions of what verbal abuse is in different context and links to available resources.

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