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Send by emailI-Messages and You-Messages: Additional ResourcesThese references supplement the Knowledge Base Essay, I-Messages and You-Messages.
Additional Explanations of the Underlying Concepts:
Online (Web) Sources
Bluestein, Jane. What's Wrong with "I-Messages"?. Available at: http://66.175.44.246/ece/ece-frameset.html [Backup Link]This essay argues that I-messages are manipulative and often do more harm than good.Perry, Susan K. You'd Better Like "I-Messages" (Or Else!). Available at: http://www.couplescompany.com/Advice/Marriage/SusanI.htm [Backup Link]This essay echoes some of the reservations expressed by Jane Bluestein in her article criticizing I-messages. However, this article also discusses how I-messages can be used effectively between husband and wife or other equal couples.
Offline (Print) Sources
Ury, William L. Getting Past No: Negotiating With Difficult People. New York: Bantam Books, January 1, 1993. This book provides step by step approaches to defusing confrontation and developing creative solutions toward resolving conflicts through negotiation. In particular, it focuses on developing communication skills that facilitate cooperation. I-messages are one of the techniques discussed as a way to get through difficult situations. Primary LinkKirshenbaum, Mira and Charles Foster. Parent-Teen Breakthrough: The Relationship Approach, Reissue Edition. New York: Plume, 1995. This book provides advice and guidance on how to build a respectful and loving relationship between parent and teenager. The book includes sample dialogues and practical suggestions for developing these relationships.Gordon, Thomas. Parent Effectiveness Training: The Proven Program for Raising Responsible Children . New York: Three Rivers Press, October 2000. This recent edition of this classic work on Parent Effectiveness Training teaches parents how to communicate effectively with their children and how to resolve family conflicts. The book contains a very early (perhaps the earliest) description of I-messages and how they may be used.
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